All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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