I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
