I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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