I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
