The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
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We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
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Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30