when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
