Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!