I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
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OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.