Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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