Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…