She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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