its not stalking. its research.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm at about main and main street
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
