I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
