I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
two words...techno handjob
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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