onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
