How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
