I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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