All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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