I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
