so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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