She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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