my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
