My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Two words: nipple clamps
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