when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
