I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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