Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
