i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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