I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
All the doctor said was why
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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