So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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