I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize