Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
