party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
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She tied me up with her honor cords...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
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I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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