Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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