I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
