You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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