this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
even my farts smell like vagina
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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