I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
