Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
