this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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