FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is it because I queefed?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
