I think I won the penis lottery.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
