I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
