That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Randomize
