someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
