She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
