dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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