so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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