I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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