but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
