Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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