i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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