9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
