My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
