The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
