One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
