I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
