Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
