i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
