I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
