Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
