i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
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Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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