Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
