i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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