Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
