So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
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