Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
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I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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