I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
