hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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