i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
