Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
