If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
