i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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