I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
