No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
