Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
