Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
