somebody snuck up and got me drunk
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
