Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
