How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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