Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
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BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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