she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
