Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
