Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
