Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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