Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
