the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
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Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
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You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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