So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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