I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
