in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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