This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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