there's paper in my vomit.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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