this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
is it fun? or sober?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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