I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
nutella sex= disaster
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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