your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
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so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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