Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
