Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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