I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
