So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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