also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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